Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
