I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
