The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
