why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
