True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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