we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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