i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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