Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
