he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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