her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
