everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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