Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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