In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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