Four minutes until I can fart!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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