U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize