I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
