I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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