the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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