i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
