i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
