I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
