I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
