Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about my life...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
