She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
