I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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