Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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