if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no you cant smoke seaweed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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