after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
