i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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