Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
