Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
