I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
