i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't deserve a penis
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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