i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think a kid would responsible me up
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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