dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize