Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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