We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
