i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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