I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
