apparently the secret to your success is patron
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
