You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
