Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
