Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
