HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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