just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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