I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
