My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
