uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dick very happy bro
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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