Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
