sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
