If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
