Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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