I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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