you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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