Can Purell be used as lube?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
NoShamevember. You game?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
