Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just tell him i said nine months
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
