Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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