You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
