Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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