okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
