I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
