Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I believe in your delicious
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
