she was so not down for the gang bang
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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