It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
