is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
