she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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