i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
