you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize