I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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