Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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