Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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