Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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