U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
