I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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