Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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