there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
